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THE LIST 1. When people never return their movies on time.
2. And they blame you when they have a late charge.
3. People returning movies not rewound, with an unidentifiable sticky substance smeared on it, or in any other state of distress.
4. People who want a credit for their movie because they left it in the car on a hot day and it melted.
5. People who return their movies to a different video store and want me to go pick the movies up.
6. When movies are in the case upside down. (Especially when they clearly have those little things on one side for the tape reels to be placed on.)
7. When it's busy and there's a long line of people but the person I'm waiting on has a fifty cent late fee and they're certainly not going to leave the store until I get rid of that horrible indiscretion.
8. Parents who think that a video store is also a day care.
9. Parents who think it's "cute" when their brat child knocks over a display case, takes movies and throws them on the floor, or takes a movie from one place and leaves it in another part of the store. (Of course, the parents are sometimes just as bad.)
10. Parents who allow their brat children to come into the store unsupervised so they can make obnoxious and crude noises in the back of the store as if I were deaf and couldn't hear them.
11. Parents who let their kid have a tantrum in the middle of the aisle and refuse to take their kid out the the car until they have picked out a movie.
12. People who yell at me for enforcing rules I didn't make up and if I had a choice would probably ignore.
13. Those who pretend that I am somehow their "friend" and that they can rattle my ear off with stories about their children, pets, and garden plants. (I especially love the ones who like to talk about their toe fungus or lung problems.)
14. Chauvinistic prigs who think they can do whatever they want just because they're male and that I shouldn't even be holding down a job on the basis that I'm a female.
15. When somebody comes in at 2 minutes to closing and proceeds to meander about the shelves for a half hour before deciding they really don't want a movie after all.
16. The aforementioned person--only they have dirt all over their shoes and track it all over the store so I have to vacuum again.
17. People who come in right when I open and want to use a hundred dollar bill to pay for a candy bar.
18. People who act as if I were their personal slave. (They stand at the counter and tell me to go get movies off the shelves for them.)
19. The kids who leave gum, suckers, crunched up crackers, or anything else on the carpet.
20. (Actual story: Somebody rented an N64 game and then brought it back and demanded a credit because....and I quote..."it wouldn't fit in their Game Boy.")
21. When somebody calls up to ask if we have porn, I tell them we don't, and they call back the next day to see if maybe we've miraculously restocked the entire store with adult entertainment.
22. When our wonderful 80's special printer eats the paper, runs out of ink, or disfunctions in any other way when it's busy. (It seems to have a detrimental intuition as to when it would be most vexing to malfunction.)
23. Having to explain to people that yes, if you do bring back your movies 3 minutes late, the computer is going to give you a late charge and I can't haggle with it and get it to somehow delete the charge.
24. If people want a credit because their hyperactive dog/cat/gerbil went pyscho and ate the tape to shreds.
25. When people's VCR's eat the tape and they demand we pay for a new VCR because "it's never done that before."
26. People who bitch at me when I call them to tell them they have late movies. (Hey, if I don't do that I lose my job and it's not my damn fault if you can't remember to return your movies on time.)
27. Stupid people who take movies (especially new releases), never return them, and are dumbfounded when we send the cops after their sorry asses to get the movies back.
28. Those who, in order to get a movie, need to: turn the box upside down, turn it sideways, or put it somewhere else completely.
29. Parents who let their kids climb all over the shelves as if they were monkey bars.
30. People who want to know when a movie is coming out, I tell them it won't be out until next month, and then they ask if maybe I could convince the distributor to ship it early because they REALLY want to see it.
31. People who NEVER rewind their movies. And I mean NEVER. No matter how many times they rent them, it is just beyond their grasp to figure out how to rewind the stupid things.
32. People who want me to call all the people that have rented out a new release because all the movies are gone and they want one and maybe somebody who got one earlier in the day has already watched it and won't mind bringing it back.
33. People who expect that just because I work at a movie store that I immediatly will be able to tell them the specifics of every movie ever made. (It's just a part-time job, people, not a future way of life.)
34. When I get off work after the closing shift and my hands smell like money and windex.
35. Somebody who's so desperate to get a movie that they have to pound on the window for five minutes or let the phone ring for ten minutes when I'm closed and vacuuming.
36. I know I said this one already, but this one was too good to be true, because it actually happened. A lady came in right at eight, when I was supposed to close. She asked if it was too late to run in quick and get a movie. I said no and that would she mind if I locked the door after her, though, so that nobody else could come in the store. She agreed and proceeded to make small talk and walk about the shelves for an ENTIRE HOUR. Then, she decided that she "didn't see anything she really wanted" and tried to leave. The door was still locked and she wanted to know why I needed the door locked when she was just "running in and out".
37. Trying to vacuum up those unidentifiable spots in the carpet.
38. Couples who come in and have to hold hands throughout the entire movie selection process. (Of course, it's interesting to watch one of them try to get their wallet out of their back pocket and pay one-handed.)
39. The aforementioned couple; only they have to take 5-minute make-out breaks while picking out a movie.
40. Somebody who believes that the video store is actually a giant, soulless ant colony so that every employee should immediately know what went on every day, even if they weren't working.
41. When it is incredibly busy and I have two people--one wanting to rent a movie and one wanting to pay a late fee--and both of them must have double vision because they expect me to be able to wait on both of them at the same time.
42. How a movie can somehow pick up the scent of the person who has last rented it, especially if said person has an extremelly *unique* odor. (It's the same thing with library books.)
43. Trying not to gag as the same *uniquely* smelling person leans over the counter and speaks really quietly so I have to get close to them to understand what they're saying.
44. When it's raining/snowing/hailing and every single person who comes through the door has to tell me about it as if there weren't two very large picture windows I can view the weather out of.
45. People who mumble or speak quietly.
46. People who insist on telling disgustingly unfunny jokes to me and to others in the store.
47. Getting a paper cut from the receipt paper.
48. Slamming my fingers in the cash register. (Okay, so I'm a klutz...but it's only happened once.)
49. Getting change with gum stuck to it.
50. 10-year old kids trying to act tough and rent "Faces Of Death".
51. That even if the sign says "closed" people assume that if I'm in the store doing ANYTHING (i.e. counting the till, cleaning counters, vacuuming) that they should be able to come in and rent a movie.
52. When somebody tells me to "guess" their last name if I don't know it because they're a regular customer and I certainly have nothing better to do with my spare time than memorize last names.
53. When somebody brings back a movie after I'm closed but I'm still in the store so they drop it in the drop box and then get pissed the next day and they have a late fee. (Just for clarification...once that sign says "closed", I no longer have to care about returning you stupid movies and you're going to have a late fee anyway since you returned it after we closed so it doesn't make a difference if I return it when you drop it off or if I return it the next morning. Got that?)
54. True Story: A woman rented Animal Farm for her 4-year old son. I had seen the movie and told her it probably wasn't a good idea to let the kid watch it. She told me basically that her kid would watch whatever he damn well pleased and that I could just mind my own business. Then, an hour later, the same woman brings the movie back and demands a refund because the movie wasn't what she expected it to be and her stupid kid got scared. (Icing on the cake: I asked her if she had ever read the book and she said, "What? This was a BOOK?")
55. People who have HUGE late fees and think they can get away with not paying it because they have gift certificates.
56. When I'm reading a book (My job isn't exactly rocket science, and I'm a self-declared book addict), and somebody comes in and says, "Why are you reading a book when you have all these movies to watch?"
57. Having to suffer through explaining to yet another person that no, I haven't watched every movie in the store and no, I can not give you a concise summary of every movie.
58. When three or more people all decide to bombard me with questions at the same time.
59. After having watched the same movies over and over and over again at work I start being able to recite lines word for word.
60. *Actual story* Mr. "Hello, I'm the definition of white trash with my pants hanging halfway off my scrawny ass so that you can see my skid-marked Fruit of the Looms and 3/4 of my ass crack" comes in with his "significant other" (also a wonder in herself as to how she got past selective breeding officials), and as they're cruising the aisles together he reaches over and PINCHES HER BUTT CHEEK.
61. Having to referee mother/daugher, parents/children, grandparents/grandchildren, etc. disputes as to which of two movies is the better one.
62. People thinking I must have a very low IQ level to be working in a video store so they find it funny to make fun of the books I'm reading. ("So, how many pictures are in that thing? Are you sure you can handle it?")
63. The above numb-skulls who speak very loudly and slowly whenever they talk to me as if I was from a foreign country or completely deaf and senile.
64. Parents who send their toddlers in to return movies. (These are usually late people.)
65. Kids who stand outside trying to pull the door open for five minutes trying to return movies their parents are too lazy to get out of the car to return until the parent finally has to get off their lazy butt and come and open the door for the kid. (Parents are usually very indignant about this.)
66. People who rent games or movies and then bring them back and want a refund because they watched the whole thing and it "wasn't what they expected" or "they didn't really like it."
67. How, when our monthly special involves movies, people seem confounded by it and have problems differentiating between which movies are involved in the special and which aren't. ("Hey, if this special involves $2.50 movies, why isn't the sign over by the $2.50 movies?" Well, in the first place, there isn't anyplace to fit that beast of a sign over on the other side of the store. Furthermore, if we did put it over there, you would never see it. Oh, yeah, and the $2.50 movies just happen to have very nice little pink stickers with "$2.50" printed on them, if you would take the time to look instead of bothering me about it.)
68. People who come to the store early and stand outside PULLING on the door when it's locked.
69. Having a week off and then coming back to work and not knowing where any movies are because they have all been moved around.
70. People who condescendingly/apologetically pay with a fifty dollar bill as if I was (just because I work for minimum wage) some sort of pauper who had never seen such an amount of money before.
71. Anyone who tells me they don't have enough money to pay their $1.50 late fee and then slaps down a fifty to pay for a three dollar movie.
72. How the printer, which was probably new when Christ was born, can no longer even print one friggin' line without screwing something up.
73. None of our movies are in alphabetical order or in any other way organized
74. How the owner puts sad movies in the comedy section, horror movies in the kids section, and in many other strange and confusing ways "organizes" her movies.
75. When people expound to me how Blockbuster, Family Video, (i.e. the competition) organizes their movies, rents movies out for 5 days, or is in any other way better than the store I work in. Please just go rent your movies from them instead of staying here bothering me, then.
76. Most of the time it would be faster to hand write receipts instead of waiting for the S.O.B. printer.
78. The fact that many movies as much as a year old are still considered new releases in our store.
79. When people just can't comprehend the fact that, yes, even if they were on the reserve list for a certain movie it may not come back and no, I will not call the people who have it out to see if they will bring it back.
80. When the manager puts posters up for "Coming Soon" movies only she puts up "Now Playing" so people can come in and pester me about why said movie isn't in stock yet.
81. When there are fifty people waiting in line and the phone rings.
82. The printer actually broke down for two days, and yes, it was faster to write receipts out by hand.
83. When it's snowing outside and busy inside and somebody will come in and berate me about how much snow is piling up on the sidewalk.
84. How, when the monthly specials roll around, the manager will come up with ingenious ones like "rent a $2.50 movie, get a $2.50 movie free" just so that I can explain to people that no, they can not rent a $2.50 movie and get a $1.00 movie free.
85. People who call up two minutes to closing and want to reserve a movie and come pick it up.
86. And then they act deaf when I bluntly tell them that in two minutes I'm locking the door whether or not they have their damn movie.
87. Stupid truck drivers who think they're hot-shit driving 60 miles per hour through the parking lot in winter time and almost making me a new take-out window when they come skidding up to the store. (Actually saw somebody do a 360 once. Wow, got to say I was totally turned on by their vagrant disregard for life and intelligence.) |
